Dog wisdom

Yesterday, in a very small house, in a very small town, in a very small country ~ something very big indeed happened.

Yesterday, for the very first time, our Jack Russell Terrier brought his beloved tennis ball into the kitchen and nosed it towards my feet. Yesterday, for the very first time, Sparky passed the ball so that I could pass it back. Yesterday, Sparky played with me.

If you’re reading this and wondering why this is such a big deal ~ it’s a big deal because JRTs are traditionally the premier league footballers of the canine world. And yet, when we picked up Sparky from the local rescue kennels a year ago, he didn’t even know what a ball was for. In fact, he was afraid of balls. He was afraid of alot of things : loud noises, sudden movement, being abandoned. If he thought he’d done something wrong, he immediately took himself off to hide.

Over the past year, we’ve watched Sparky closely. We’ve worked hard to understand what he’s trying to tell us. We’ve spent plenty of time with him and made him feel a very welcome part of the family. We wouldn’t be without him : he even came on honeymoon with us! We’ve rewarded him, we’ve comforted him and we’ve encouraged him. We’ve learned what he loves the most – walking , smelling things, snuggling and being close. And we give him those things because we love him.

And yet in this past year, Sparky has still been wary of us. He’s still been nervous. We can understand that ~ he’s a rescue dog and we’ll never really know his history and how he came to be in our local pound. So yesterday was a really big deal in our house because Sparky trusted us enough to know that we wouldn’t take the ball away from him (it’s a closely guarded treasure that is never far from his paws).

As he gently nudged the ball to me, he looked me straight in the eye. He waited to see what would happen. I nudged it back. He returned it to me straight away. This wasn’t wild, haring JRT fun (which is his usual style), this was something gentle. This was about connection and trust. And it was a deeply moving moment.

So what’s all this got to do with you, your body and your weight? Well. Here’s the thing. If you’re reading this, chances are that you’ve been “battling” with your weight for quite some time. Chances are you may not have cared for your body in the optimum way. You may not have exercised it , you may have overfed it, you may have stressed it, you may have loathed it, you may have wished it wasn’t yours. In short, there may have been times when you wished you could have left your body in the local pound!

And here you are today and you’re ready to lose weight. In other words, you’re at the point of picking the dog up from the pound. A dog that’s been neglected and hurt ; a dog that’s had its trust broken ; a dog that hasn’t been listened to ; a dog that just hasn’t been allowed to be a dog! [Sorry for being a little direct here but I’m just going to say it how it is. I’ve been guilty of exactly the same crime and it wasn’t until I acknowledged that the “bad guy” in all of this was not my body, that I was able to make peace with my body and lose weight]

So – here it comes. Brace yourself : if you want a healthy relationship with your body, there’s some stuff you need to do. If you want the rewards from the relationship, you have to be prepared to re-build the relationship with your body and rebuild the trust. And it might take time. And that relationship will require nurturing and supporting for the rest of your life.

And listen. It may not go as smoothly as you’d hoped at first. It might take a while to understand your body’s communications, its needs, wants and desires. It may take a while for your body to trust you again – and it might take you a while to come to terms with your role in the original breakdown of the relationship.

But one day, your body will pass you the ball and the joy that passes between you in that moment will create the kind of alignment required to live a healthy, active, nourishing life which is good for every single inch of you : mind, body and soul.

Now is your opportunity to make the connection with your body and to welcome it back into the family. Show it compassion. Show it love. Let it be close, let it be comforted, let it be fed, let it play, let it rest and let it choose when it’s ready to pass you the ball.

A healthy relationship between mind and body is key to maintaining a healthy weight in the longer term. And in that relationship, trust is a must 🙂

So – back to my Jack Russell Terrier, Sparky 🙂 (Did I mention how much I love my dog?) As I said in my last post, I’m pretty green when it comes to dog ownership and I’m learning new stuff everyday. I’m learning stuff that’s not just about dogs either. I’m learning more and more about me (and my relationship with myself) as a result of building a relationship with him.

I’m a terrier-ist : I’m loaded with love and I know how to use it!

Before picking Sparky up from the rescue kennels, I did quite a bit of research about JRTs and how to handle them. The first thing I learned was that this breed is a working dog and is really good at sniffing things out and then “dealing” with them (if you know what I mean :)). It is for this very reason that JRTs rarely spend time off their leads outdoors because, if they catch a scent, their whole focus is to get to the end of that trail and then “deal” with whatever they find. No amount of calling or treat-offering will deter them. They are .. um .. like a terrier 🙂 They will not rest until the job is done.

3 months into my relationship with Sparky (did I mention that he’s also very handsome? :)), I realise that he is good at sniffing out all sorts of things – and very skilful at dealing with what he finds at the end of the trail.

What I am learning is that my dog can “smell” an emotion a mile off. If any one of us is not feeling so great, Sparky jumps up for a cuddle and stays until the emotion subsides. It’s incredible how he does it! He seems to use his presence to heal : he exudes love!

As I observed consistent patterns in his behaviour as he constantly monitored the family’s emotions (and attended to them where necessary), I thought I had just about got the hang of his “top skill”. I thought he had shown me his best cards.

No. The best cards so far were laid on the table about a month ago. My partner and I were having a row behind closed doors early in the morning. Not a regular row, of course : it was one of those advanced Clint-Eastward-in-a-poncho versus Lee-Van-Cleef-with-a-steely-glint-in-the-eye rows. A deafeningly silent tumbleweed row. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly music playing in our heads. Hands on holsters. Roll-ups hanging from the corner of our mouths.

That morning there was little time for a shoot-out as there was work to be done and Sparky needed his walk too. Sparky knows the routine by now and as soon as the bedroom door is opened, he wags his tail and turns in circles because he knows he is getting to go for a walk.

But not on this morning. As I stood all wrapped up and ready to go, Sparky refused to get out of his basket. I lifted him out and he climbed straight back in. He was going nowhere.

Sometumes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!

Sometimes a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do!

My partner then emerged, dressed and ready to go out to sort his van out for a day at the farm. As my partner approached the front door, I deciphered the thought bubble above Sparky’s head as he leapt in front of the door to prevent my partner from leaving. “You ain’t going NOWHERE. Sometimes a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” He definitely had that whole John Wayne thing going on 🙂

Sparky herded us both into the front room and sat between us. First looking at one and then the other. Head on one lap and then the other, until we started to speak (at which point, Sparky left the room to let us get on with making peace.)

All of this taught me that Sparky is not only able to sniff out emotions, he is also present to them (no matter how uncomfortable those feelings may be) and knows how to “deal with”, or attend to, them (he lends his love and he encourages healing for individual members of the family and for relationships within the family).

So,here’s your food for thought. If you want to resolve your emotional relationship with food, if you want to stop swallowing your emotions and start processing them in a healthy way, I wonder if you could consider the following questions within the context of your relationship with your body and with food?

When you experience hunger, are you able to “sniff out” the difference between an emotional signal and a genuine physiological hunger signal? How prepared are you to follow the scent to find what’s really at the end of the trail? As you consider following the “trail”, which (if any) emotions come up? How ready are you to be present to the emotions and associated structures (such as unhelpful beliefs, attitudes, values and identity “labels”) you may discover? How prepared are you to “deal with” what you might find at the end of the trail? How prepared are you to offer love to yourself to encourage healing? How ready are you to re-build your relationship with yourself,with your body, with those around you and with life?

If you can learn to identify an emotion, sit with it (no matter how uncomfortable) and process it in a healthy and respectful way, whilst continuing to hold your full self in unconditional positive regard (Phil Collins would recognise this to be a particularly “groovy kind of love” :)), then you’re well on your way to healing your relationship with both food and your body. And sooner or later, you’ll be doing all this naturally ~ and unconsciously. Just like Sparky.*

(* If this posts resonates with you, and you’re ready to follow the trail, you might really enjoy my 12 Days of Christmas series of blog posts. You can find more out here https://thighhighbootcamp.com/2012/12/18/welcome-to-the-12-days-of-christmas-project/ It’s okay to dip in and out : engage with the parts of the process which draw your attention! Or you may even enjoy coming along to a live weight loss bootcamp event or experiencing 1-1 weight loss coaching. You can find more out here http://www.thighhighbootcamp.com )

Gotta run :)! #DogWithABone #BeATerrier-ist!

Thigh-High Boot Camp

Transforming Your Body From The Inside Out!

Trust Is A Must!

Terrier-ist Brokers Peace Deal!